My Tribe

Since moving from my old stomping ground I've been thinking a lot about the word "tribe", what it means to me, and who my tribe is. I suppose I've been feeling insecure from the move, as if moving detached me from what has been my tribe.

Then this weekend came.

It started with buying the newly released magazine "Witches & Pagans" (formerly the two separate publications newWitch and PanGaia). I read it on my way to Central New York's Pagan Pride festival. There was an interview with much beloved Pagan bard - S. J. Tucker. It discussed her views of neo-tribalism and what it meant. It really spoke to me because she's kind of a nomad, wandering from festival to festival and relying on the kindness of her well-spread tribe. It got me thinking about my tribe spread throughout NY.

Pagan Pride was wonderful. I was once more able to see all my friends from the Mohawk Valley Pagan Network and my grovemates from Muin Mound. It was great to feel that connection at the festival and thus feel a part of something bigger than me. I've always taken a kind of comfort in that. At a workshop/round-table discussion on forming Pagan community, I listened to various people complain about isolation and the lack of socialization within the Pagan community.

Before leaving I decided to walk the labyrinth set up by the entrance. I felt as if I needed a walking meditation. Before I entered the loops I opened myself to the three realms, grounding myself in purpose. As I walked my mind once more turned to community and tribalism. My worries floated away and I realized that the distance between us didn't matter. (It is a short distance really!) I let go of my desire to form new bonds with a Pagan group near my new home. They didn't feel exactly right for me and my interest was purely born from my insecurities. My mate even commented to me that I have a good thing going on with my grove and MVPN. Why complicate it with more rituals that I have to work around? It is just a short drive (little over an hour) to either group and the trip is so worth it. To see the faces I've grown to know and love, to be hugged, to be congratulated on my various triumphs, and to feel like I belong is a wonderful thing.

And we always have the internet, don't we? I think technology plays a large role in neo-tribalism. It allows us to stay in touch so that, when you really think about it, it's as if we never were apart.

A lot of my ramblings are probably obvious seeming to you readers, and I apologize for that. Sometimes the most obvious things require struggle to comprehend.

I got a message from my mentor today. My dedicant program, the first step in ADF, has been approved! I'm very excited about this. I worked on it, here and there, for three years. The last six months have been spent revising a few essays on and off as I dealt with life's various changes. Finishing it officially feels really good.

Now the question becomes - what next? A part of me wants to take a break and focus on my blossoming career, my upcoming marriage, and my hearth religion. Another part of me is thrilled to start another study program - perhaps the artisans' guild study program or the initiate's program...

More thoughts on this later.

Good Things from a Small Pagan Event

On Saturday I visited Utica, NY for a day-long workshop event hosted by the Mohawk Valley Pagan Network. It was called "Magickal Living" and the focus was on connecting with the land and living spiritually day to day.

The day started with a workshop on labyrinths by Bruce. I've seen people walking labyrinths at Pagan festivals before but I've never been able to make a workshop for an explanation. I thought it was a great exercise in a walking meditation. As I said to the presenter afterwards, I get discouraged meditating when I have a cold (as I did) because I fous too heavily on the trouble I have breathing. Walking the labyrinth required me to focus on my steps. I think I may have to create a labyrinth of my own someday for the days when I need some peace of mind but can't seem to focus through still meditation. I will have to consider how to create a Labyrinth within a Druidic, particularly Irish, tradition.

After the labyritnh we feasted on various dishes. I brought a pumpkin spice bread made by the local Mennonites. Others brought grilled corn and salsa from local farmers. Everyone else brought healthy organic, vegetarian, or vegan dishes. Katrina, the organizer, lead a thoughtful discussion on food and its relavence to Pagans. The discussion was wonderful and many important issues within Paganism were brought up such as whether or not ethical eating is spiritualy important, whether or not factory farmed food comes with negative energies and if they can be negated, whether or not animals should be acceptable sacrifices, as well as how we can use food in magic and ritual. Katrina did an excellent job faciliatting the discussion and provided some of her own insights. I think that food has gone unnoticed by many within the Pagan community. It seems like an afterthought most of the time. "Oh there's a potluck after the ritual... I'll just stop at Walmart and grab a bag of chicken wings." I'm guilty of that myself although I wouldn't buy chicken wings at Walmart. :P The point is, Katrina, a self-appointed kitchen witch, continually forces the local Pagan community to consider the spiritual implications of food and how we can use it to better connect us to deity.

Skip, the archdruid of ADF, presented his workshop on dragons, fairies, and giants (oh my!). Although I think the presentation should have been shortented to a discussion just on dragons or fairies (or possibly only those) it was really interesting. He provided a scholarly presentation that included the value of skepticism, something the Pagan community could use a bit more of from time to time. That said, it was nicely balanced with UPG and whimsy, making his presentation a breath of fresh air.

Finally Catherine Cooney presented a workshop on drums that included meditations, chanting, and a swinging drum circle! I think everyone had a blast hooting and hollering, banging and rattling.

My main concern about the event was that it was so, so small with only 15ish people in attendance. There were several other activities going on in the area that day and, being the last weekend in August, many people were probably trying to fit a lot in. I was dissapointed at the small numbers but, in the end, it was a lovely intimate setting with some wonderful people. All the same I think the group had hoped to achieve a higher attendance. When I joined MVPN a few years ago it was after their now defunct BPUF (Beltaine Pagan Unity Festival). Before that I had been a solitary practicioner and it shocked me to see so many people at the event. Magickal Living was only a small shadow of that due to the attendance. A facebook group had been created to invite others in the community and many who RSVPed "yes" did not show up. Besides Facebook, someone mentioned that they had seen a poster at a local cafe. As I'm no longer a resident of the community I have no idea if any other posters were put up or when they were displayed. My advice to MVPN is to shoot for the BPUF event again. Advertise stronger and sooner. It should probably take place earlier in the summer rather than later so that it isn't when everyone is scrambling to fit one last family cookout or camping trip in before school. It also shouldn't compete with such a large event as the Clinton Art Festival.

That said, if MVPN continues along this vein, Utica could have some exciting future events for Pagans. Unlike the previous BPUFs and even the Pagan Pride Day in Syracuse, NY, Magickal Living demonstrated that more cognitive workshops have a definite place within Paganism and are doable by even the smaller groups. MVPN brought in the archdruid of one of the major Druidic movements which is wonderful. Not only does it show that MVPN respects its elders but that it is willing to look to movements other than Wicca. Katrina gave a very thoughtful presentation that, as I said, inspired discussion about important issues in Paganism - issues that go beyond the typical Wicca 101 same-old same-old that shows up again and again. Shouldn't more Pagan gatherings be that way? Newbies can find those resources very easily now. Why not make more workshops for the experienced and intermediate Pagans? Why not set an example for the new Pagans and show them what they can grow into?

Kudos MVPN.

Druid BBQ Anyone?

I just had to post this.

Northern Nature Spirits

I think I said in a previous post that I recently moved. I used to live in central NY and I moved to the northern area. There doesn't seem to be a huge difference in the flaura and fauna but the landscape is one that I'm not as familiar with. I grew up with a forest in the backyard and, although there are forests and small groves of trees here and there, the landscape is largely agricultural and thus flooded with fields - fields of grass, fields of corn, fields of grape vine, and fields of wildflowers. Before I moved here a freind who spent her childhood in northern NY commented that there is a different feel to the nature spirits. While I haven't felt them to be too vastly different there is something about it... My fiance remarked on the lushness of central NY in contrast to our new home and I think he may be on to something. I don't think lush is quite the right word to use. Lush implies an expansive growth of plantlife and that exists all over NY state I think. The difference is that southern NY is lush with trees whereas we are lush with field plants. It is the difference in lushness that marks the difference in nature spirits.

The forested areas are more wild and ruled by their own forces whereas the fields are or were shaped by humans. Perhaps what I feel is a slight absense of the abundance of nature spirits felt in my parents' backyard. Or perhaps they are Nature Spirits more akin to us because they are interested in cultivation and the fertility of fields. It is hard for me to say.

I do want to increase my understanding of this new landscape and somehow develop a relationship with its spirits. Will I find the same land Goddess here that I did south? My instincts tell me yes becaues I'm really not that far away from home and the deer still run as abundantly here as they did there. The trees are still the same variety. The water is running from similar sources. The trick is finding her, connecting, and letting her know that I'm still here and want to know her.

Some Thoughts on Converting to Paganism

In my last post about my personal history, I discussed my transition from Christianity to Paganism and, in particular, to Wicca. I may have made it sound very smooth but that wasn't the case at all.

I told my mum at first and, though she wasn't against it, she was cautious. She was worried about dangerous cults and shady characters. Her worries were valid but I've always been slow to warm up to people and I rarely go to a new group by myself for safety reasons.

My father on the other hand... well, let's just say that I didn't outright tell him about my conversion for a couple years. He's gone from abrasively angry about it to thinking it's just a phase. I've decided to be optimistic and call that progress! The rest of my family (except for my strict Catholic grandparents who are still in the dark about it) slowly found out. I never made any attempts to get everyone together and make a public announcement out of it. I know some authors suggest that. The Arch Druid of ADF suggests taking the opportunity to say grace at a family dinner as a way to break the religious ice. If that approach works for some that's wonderful but that isn't really my style to begin with and my family would not have taken it well that suddenly. Instead I let them observe some of my interest in Paganism little by little. I would occasionally discuss history, mythology, and unspecified spiritual experiences with nature. I openly delighted at the full moon and vehomently defended religious minorities when they came up unfavorably in discussion. Quite simply, I mindfully went out acting as normally as possible as if people already knew I was Pagan. Eventually family members put two and two together or it just came out casually in polite discussion.

At first my conversion was more cerebral. There were a couple weeks where I didn't practice very much aside from the reading I was doing. As a Catholic I had prayed my own prayer to Jesus and God every night. There was a night I realized that I had to make a transition and it was, quite honestly, frighetning. It was a moment of truth, I suppose. I grew up hearing about how there was "only one God" and how angry he could become in some situations. I had once gotten into a horrible argument with a very dear friend about the Book of Revelations. She was going through a strict Baptist phase and was trying to convince me that anyone who isn't a Christian is going to be punished. To me that always has seemed like a terrible concept. Why would anyone find comfort in that, especially when you consider all of the innocent non-Christian people?

In the dark of one's bedroom on the cusp of a major theological transition, those thoughts somehow become more frightening. And when I decided to replace "God and Jesus" with "God and Goddess" or "Lord and Lady" (I can't remember my choice very well...) I felt my body tingle and realized that I had just crossed into a new mindset. It was a wonderful thing. I might even call it a triumph against "Christian fear."

Meditation

As I was feeling a bit stressed today I decided to start cleaning the sewing/ritual room thus creating a more relaxing environment that would be conducive to ritual and meditation. There are still things to do in there but the floor is much cleaner. I was able to comfortably use my altar and then situate myself on the floor to meditate. I've been feeling out of practice recently. Meditation comes in cycles with me as of late. I do it for awhile, feel like I'm making progress... and then I find myself doing it less and less until I feel out of practice... Then I start again.

A few months ago I was practicing my visualization by focusing on the image of a full moon while breathing slowly. I'm doing that again and, while I need to work up to the focus I once had, I think that I'm moving at a faster pace than last time. Maybe it's all in my head but I'd like to think that I'm making some progress!